thursday, on the bus without your girlfriend, we finally talked! finally! it was wonderful. we talked about our lives. and then we talked about how your girlfriend hates me. and i dont know why. i voiced my confusion, and you said because she sees me as a threat. i asked you why she sees me as a threat, after all you chose her! i never did a thing to her. and you gave me that sad look and didnt say a word. we also talked about our class that we had together first and second trimester. you said how the only times you were happy were when you were laying down in my lap. then we talked about my boyfriend (at the time, i broke up with him today but thats a whole different story:( ) and how you talked to him and told him, “she’s mine. so if you hurt her i’m gonna murder you.” you literally said that. and that can’t just be nothing. but then you did some other things. you laced your fingers between mine multiple times. you brushed the hair out of my eyes and simultaneously swept your fingers down the side of my face. you layed your head down in my lap like you used to all the time. you gave me head massages (weird, i know). you asked me if i missed you, to which i responded yes, and you said you missed me too. we reminisced about old times. and then you leaned to my sister and whispered in her ear. she told me most of what you said: you often wonder if you made the right choice. i wonder that too. every day. actually, i know you made the wrong choice. you should have chosen me. you want to know if i still like you. my sister said no, but that is a big fat lie. and i think you know this. but i’m not completely sure if you know or not. i think you need to know. but i dont want to tell you. not yet, anyways. that would just make things complicated. you’re confused. i am too. well i know what i want. but i dont think i’m gonna get it. you are convinced that you’re happy. and i know you’re not. you and your girlfriend fight all the time. she calls you rude names and she says you piss her off all the time. i would never do that to you. you know that. i just want this to be simple. but i know it wont be. i want to be yours. i miss you.
